If I Could Turn Back Time
by woundedhearts
Summary: Ever wonder what would have happened if Cody hadn't been offered the second internship? Here's a short one shot that might answer that question.


If I Could Turn Back Time

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Do you ever wonder if you had the chance to go back in time, if things could have turned out differently? Maybe if you'd done something else, said something else, you would be able to change things, I do, all the time. It's a futile thought I know but I still can't help but think about it.

You see my name is Cody Martin, and I used to be a twin. _Used to be,_ those words still hurt to this day. Don't let me scare you, he's not dead. No, I'd know it if he was. But he's missing, vanished without a trace and because of it, I can't function.

_If I could turn back time_

_If I could find a way_

_I'd take back those words_

_That would hurt you and you'd stay._

Truthfully I don't remember too much about the argument we had. I just remember that at the time it felt like the end of the world. Well, at least my world. And the cause was standing right in front of me. It was an accident he'd told me, they happen. Of course they seemed to happen a lot when Zack was around.

Oh, that's right, I haven't told you his name. Zackary Martin, Zack for short. He was everything to me, my right hand, brother, twin and best friend, and at the time, my enemy. He'd played all those roles at one point or another.

I knew that he was sorry, but still how I could forgive such a wrong.

I'd told him I was done, finished. I guess I was tired of it all, of him ruining my life, my plans and everything else he could. On that day I severed all ties with my brother. And its something I will never forgive myself for.

_I don't know why I did things I did_

_I don't know why I said the things I said_

_Prides like a knife it can cut deep inside_

_Words are like weapons they wound sometimes._

That's right, from that day forward I was determined to believe that Zack didn't exist. I erased him from not only my cell phone, but my life. I ignored him when he wanted to talk, and turned my back when he needed a friend. I guess that old saying is true about pride and anger getting the best of you. We had a few months before we graduated and I found being on ship was not an easy thing when you're trying to avoid someone.

One evening, after a late night of studying with Bailey I was headed to my cabin when I heard it coming from his cabin. The distinct sound of crying, I stood in that doorway for over an hour just listening. Wondering if I should walk in or not? I couldn't bring myself to walk away, and yet I couldn't bring myself to open that door either. I just sat there near his closed door and listened and cried along with him. I loved my brother, I still do,I just couldn't live with him. Does that make sense to anyone else?

_Too strong to tell you I was sorry_

_Too proud to tell you I was wrong_

_I know that I was blind and ooh…_

The day before graduation came and went and life was as it should have been. With one exception, Zack was not around. At first I didn't mind, truth be told I wasn't sure if I cared either way. But as the day progressed and it was time for rehearsal I couldn't help but wonder why the chair beside mine was empty. Then it donned on me, if he wasn't here to graduate, where had he gone?

I left rehearsal early heading toward his cabin. When I got there the door was slightly open so I walked in. Everything in the room was gone. No sign anyone had ever occupied the cabin. My heart dropped to my stomach as I looked around. No sign's in the bathroom, the closets or even under the beds. I know stupid place to look, but for some odd reason I was hoping he'd emerge with that goofy smile on his face and announce that this was all a prank.

I have to admit it, I freaked. I searched everywhere, my room the other cabins. I began knocking on doors and wearing out the numbers on my cell phone. The gang got in on it and searched as well, heck even Mr. Moseby was worried. No signs anywhere. We even called in law enforcement and still nothing.

He was gone. Poof just vanished off the ship and out of my life. I guess I shouldn't be surprised I basically asked him to do just that. But I never knew it would hurt so much or that I'd live with this deep void inside. I missed him, I miss him still.

_If I could turn back time_

_If I could find a way_

_I'd take back those words_

_that would hurt you and you'd stay._

Now I'm standing on this port looking out onto the ocean where the S.S. Tipton is docked. It's been ten years since that horrible day. And I've come back on every anniversary. I hate myself for what happened every minute of every day.

I know now he didn't mean to get me fired from my internship that spring break. If only I could have him back, if only he never left. I was such an idiot. I lost out on ten years with my twin brother because of foolish pride and now regret is my only companion. I guess I only have myself to blame.

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AN: _Turn Back Time_ is a classic _Cher_ song from the eighties, and I thought it would be perfect for this little story. I was wondering what would happen if Cody hadn't been offered the second internship at the Gemini Project and had instead just gone back to the ship with Zack. That's when this story was born.

Anyway thanks for reading, please review. :)


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